Crash: How I Became a Reluctant Caregiver by Rachel Michelberg
Publisher: She Writes Press, (April 27, 2021)
Category: Memoir, Divorce, Parenting, Moral Conflict, Caring for Disabled, Caregiver
Tour dates: April-May, 2021
ISBN: 978-1647420321
Available in Print and ebook, 224 pages
Description Crash: Reluctant Caregiver by Rachel Michelberg
Rachel likes to think of herself as a nice Jewish girl, dedicated to doing what’s honorable, just as her parents raised her to do. But when her husband, David, survives a plane crash and is left with severe brain damage, she faces a choice: will she dedicate her life to caring for a man she no longer loves, or walk away?
Their marriage had been rocky at the time of the accident, and though she wants to do the right thing, Rachel doesn’t know how she is supposed to care for two kids in addition to a now irrational, incontinent, and seizure-prone grown man. And how will she manage to see her lover? But then again, what kind of selfish monster would refuse to care for her disabled husband, no matter how unhappy her marriage had been? Rachel wants to believe that she can dedicate her life to David’s needs, but knows in her heart it is impossible.
Crash tackles a pervasive dilemma in our culture: the moral conflicts individuals face when caregiving for a disabled or cognitively impaired family member.
Advance Praise Crash: Reluctant Caregiver by Rachel Michelberg
“…an engaging exploration of duty, guilt, and self-preservation. Michelberg is a frank writer…. continually willing to unpack her guilt while also exploring options for her own emotional survival. A cleareyed consideration of difficult ethical and familial choices.”-Kirkus Reviews
“I couldn’t put this book down . . . Rachel Michelberg gives the reader the gift of unfiltered honesty, without excuses or complaints. She shows us how the clarity of a scrupulous heart can guide us through the worst of times. Crash is an important story told by a remarkable story teller.”-Joanne Silver Jones, author of Headstrong: Surviving a Traumatic Brain Injury
“I read this book cover to cover and then finally remembered to breathe. Crash is a profoundly human story told with grace and raw honesty. Michelberg is courageous enough to put all of herself into the pages, and we are all the better for it. Crash will stay with you–in your mind, heart, and gut–for a long time after you finish it.”-Mark Lukach, author of My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward
“Crash is a skillfully written, riveting account of Michelberg’s struggle to sustain herself and her family after a tragic event radically alters their lives. As a mother, she is protective, resourceful and competent as she boldly guides her family forward. Vigilant and vulnerable, she exemplifies a woman who speaks her truth, however hard that is to bear. Crash will challenge your own sense of what is important in fighting for a family’s well-being.”-Anna Penenberg, Amazon best-selling author of Dancing in the Narrows: A Mother-Daughter Odyssey Through Chronic Illness
Interview With Teddy Rose and Rachel Michelberg
Hi Rachel, Welcome to Teddy Rose Book Reviews Plus. Thanks for agreeing to this interview.
TR: Please tell us something about ‘Crash’ that is not in the summary. (About the book, character you particularly enjoyed writing etc.)
RM: In my summary, I refer to the pushback I got from my husband David’s family about his care. Dora, David’s older sister, is a main character in my story. We’d been close (as close as you can be when you live 7,500 miles apart) before his plane crash, but my decisions about David’s caregiving and her responses drove a wedge between us. Our relationship was forever changed. Still, I wanted to portray Dora as someone with great compassion and empathy, someone who meant well, but was so desperate to change the situation she acted in ways that were misguided. The result was extreme stress and conflict. I hope that in the end my readers will think kindly of Dora – in some ways she’s the true hero of my story.
TR: How long did it take you to write this book from concept to fruition? Was there any research involved or just your own experiences?
RM: It took me a long, long time – eleven years. I was a single parent of two kids – each with their own issues – which took most of my attention, plus running my music teaching business. But I think the main reason it took so long was that I was learning the craft of writing – taking classes, attending feedback groups – at the same time as I was actually writing. I had to develop my confidence, my voice. That confidence was shaken after attending a retreat in New York where professionals from the publishing industry spoke; I don’t believe they meant to be discouraging but that was the result. Many of us at that retreat became very disillusioned. I didn’t write a word for two solid years. But the story wouldn’t leave me alone, so I hired a coach and finished the manuscript.
TR: What is your favorite scene in the book? Why?
RM: There is short scene where I’m at the DMV surrendering David’s driver’s license, which was required by law since his brain injury renders him unable to get behind the wheel ever again. Though it was a simple act, it was very symbolic, an official severing of his former life with his present and permanent disabled one – a significant loss of independence. In the scene, I break down in tears while at the DMV counter. My sadness at the totality of his losses overwhelmed me at that moment. It was also like rubbing salt into the wound of my single-parenting reality – I would not just be the only driver in the family, I’d be the only everything.
This scene wasn’t an especially dramatic moment in comparison to some far more intense scenes in the book – but for me quite significant.
TR: People choose to write their memoir for many different reasons. What would you hope readers will take away after reading ‘Crash?RM: Two words: resilience and options. I struggled so much during those years with a number of challenges that happened simultaneously: My – and my children’s – grief/trauma around David’s brain injury, the recurrence of an eating disorder, dealing with a stalker, my mother’s passing from pancreatic cancer, my son’s Asperger’s syndrome, my daughter’s anxiety, the pushback from his family. I got through it with sheer will power and the support of my village – friends, family, therapist. My mantra was a cliché – “when you’re walking through hell, keep walking.” There is another side to the minefield if you can put one foot in front of the other. And while you’re walking, or stumbling as I was, grasp those hands that are reaching out to help you through it.
The other message I want to convey is that if you are thrust into a role you didn’t sign up for, it’s ok to choose the less travelled path. Give yourself permission to consider all of your options. If you do make an unpopular choice, it doesn’t mean you are selfish or lazy. Give yourself the love you so generously bestow on others.
TR: Would you sell movie rights for ‘Crash’ and if so, which actor/actress would you like to see playing you?
RM: Oh absolutely! I think Crash would make a wonderful movie or mini-series (doesn’t every author think that about their work?) It is truly a dream to see my story dramatized. The actress would need to be someone who could play mid-40’s, preferably Jewish-looking. Perhaps Julianna Margulies, Winona Ryder, Natalie Portman…what do you think? Ideas welcome!
About Rachel Michelberg
(c) Alicia Telfer
Rachel Michelberg grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area and still enjoys living there with her husband, Richard, and their two dogs, Nala and Beenie. She earned her Bachelor of Music degree in vocal performance from San Jose State University and has performed leading roles in musicals and opera from Carmen to My Fair Lady as well as the part of the Mother Abbess (three times!) in The Sound of Music.
When Rachel isn’t working with one of her twenty voice and piano students, she loves gardening, hiking, and making her own bone broth. CRASH: How I Became a Reluctant Caregiver is her first book.
Website: https://www.rachelmauthor.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RachelMAuthor/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/RMichelberg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rachelmichelbergauthor/
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